Last week I made my first toast at a wedding. As I was preparing the words that I would recite, I thought carefully about what I wanted to express about loving someone, the commitment, and about what makes both last through the harsh test of time.
Casey, 30 year old, ex-miliary nurse “slash” current wanderer from the USA, met Carlo, 100% Italian, 45 year old, electrician “slash” massage therapist, at our friends’ very isolated, natural retreat center in the mountains of Tuscany. She doesn’t speak a word of Italian. He doesn’t speak English. There is a 15 year difference between the two of them.
Both of them were in a bit of a transition stage, better known as, what am I doing now phase (we have all been there and I personally have been there over and over again!)
They fell in love within 2 weeks of their first encounter.
Neither one of them expected it. Family and friends expected it even less.
More accurately said, almost everyone thought they were crazy…
I wanted to offer them advice and courage, without lecturing.
I wanted my 24 years of personal experience to reassure everyone who was present… everyone that couldn’t possibly get it.
I wanted to shout out that I understood without having to shout it out.
I wanted it to be a subtly and powerfully delivered Marriage 101, a What Every Couple Needs to Know kind of toast.
I wanted it to be a toast to be remembered.
I wanted it to be much more than a toast.
I wanted it to be an ode to marriage.
I wanted it to be a declaration of love.
I literally wanted it to be my heart pouring out to every single person that was listening.
Most of all, I wanted it to be real.
(In my defence, let’s remember that it was my very first (and perhaps last) toast.)
In the end, it did not take me very long to pour it all down on paper.
This is what I said..
I felt truly honored when Casey asked me to share a few words today. Although we hardly know each other, I was not shocked. Casey and I have a lot in common. We both have American passports. We both have a passion for fitness. We both like to travel. We both have somewhat wacky families. We both have a hopeless, romantic side. And…
we both fell instantly in love with a foreign stranger.
24 years ago, I was Casey. I was the girl that fell head over heals for the Italian boy.
Andrea and I were the most improbable couple. He was the free spirit. I was the determinated New Yorker.
As with Casey and Carlo, there was a bit of a language barrier, (although, honestly Carlo, not nearly as much!)
and…
despite it all, we jumped into the thought of a forever US way before either one of us actually knew who the other one was.
Despite it all, we believed…
even when hardly anyone else did. My friends, my family, my co-workers.
If it never happened to you, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
I still remember my dad telling me about his first conversation with my father-in-law. They were sitting on a park bench in NY. They had just met each other. My dad turned to Andrea’s dad and in his very blunt, Brooklyn way said, “Do you think this could possibly last?”.
You see, these type of stories are the ones that we read in fairytales. We see them on the big screen. We fantasize about them as children.
Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing that it would be my favorite forever.
In real life, people have a hard time believing that these type of encounters are possible. Love at first sight is irrealistic, fantasy…
something that is sure to fade.
I bet there are even a few dis-believers amoung us today.
I read somewhere, “Marriage is memory. Marriage is time.” These words resonated with me.
What is lasting love? What is marriage?
I have always believed that a strong union between two people is not determined by the way the story begins. Nor have I ever believed that there are two people that are made for each other.
(Although I do like to believe that destiny brought Andrea and I together on a Caribbean island 24 years ago.)
A strong union…
a lasting relationship…
a lifetime together…
is built by two people who are willing to do the work.
A great relationship doesn't happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building the love until the end.
For some this may sound extremely unromantic, but for me it is the real-life fairytale.
The happily ever after exists for those of us who are willing to make the sacred sacrifice of what being together is all about.
Love, honesty, respect, compassion, acceptance.
Moments filled with joy and happiness, but also difficulties, barriers, detours, and also moments of unhappiness.
At times, being single is going to seem really appealing and you are going to wonder why you chose the treacherous route. Once the initial glow and lust pass, you better get out your perserverence and hiking boots. You are going to need them for this never-ending journey.
A strong union is not easy to build. It is not for the weak and it is nothing like what we see in the movies.
There is no magic fairy dust, no fairy godmother…
and this is why it is pure magic.
True love is for the fierce, the courageous and the resilient.
It is for those of US who think that the real romance lies in being together forever NO MATTER WHAT.
It is for those of US who truly want to create the MEMORIES, both good and bad, and survive the ups and downs of TIME…
til death do us part
(even when we feel like killing one another).
True love is for the rare breed of us that, from the very beginning, choose to believe.
Casey, Carlo….
We don’t know each other for a very long time.
I don’t know details about your lives, or even about your love story, but I profoundly know what you are feeling.
I know YOU…
and this is why from the bottom of my heart,
I am here to tell you that I ABSOLUTELY DO BELIEVE!
To Casey and Carlo, to the fairytale, to the real thing.
30 Novembre 2019, Val di Brucia
If you are going to love someone then don't be a slow leaking faucet... be a hurricane!23 years ago, on December 12th, I married Andrea at City Hall in Brooklyn, New York without an engagement ring, without the white, wedding dress, without flowers, and without a guarantee for the future. I didn't need any of them because 24 years ago, from the moment that he looked at me with those big, golden-brown eyes, he instantly became my forever, favorite song.
This post is dedicated to everyone who continues to believe, is willing to do the work, and chooses every, single day to build the real-life fairytale.
Happy Anniversary Durante Darling! This post is obviously also for you! love and kisses to all,
FREE FAMILY ON THE ROAD: creating our world one bumpy mile at a time 