TIC TOC: PARADISE FLOATING US BY (reflections about the passing of time)

SIX WEEKS: LEARNING THAT NOTHING IS EVERYTHING (part eleven)

There is nowhere to go but here. There is nobody to face except yourself… and your wonderful, turbulant life… left unnoticed it will pitifully pass away with time. The clock tics and there are no second chances.DSCN0260

One day is floating into the next. Over 5 weeks have passed. Our days are filled with lots of nothingness: walking, mountain gazing… horse manure. My mind is clear, welcoming thoughts, ideas, visions. When your mind is as silent as the air that surrounds you, when it clears out the clutter that inhabited it just minutes before… everything else becomes a welcome, inspiring visitor to your life.

How fascinatingly terrifying (in the best sense of the term, that is)…  along with this nothingness there we are smack in the middle of it all… all our hidden stuff standing out there in the wide open: our true selves, the ancient lies… our thoughts, ideas, visions mixed with our doubts, our courage and our fear. EXPOSED!

Everything is amplified in this silent mind, in these days filled with nothing and a whole lot of time. The fighting and the joy, the energy and the relaxation… more moments of confusion, more glimpses of clarity…

There is more negative and more positive… 

literally more shit….

so much more of the more.

flowersHere we are at Finca Tunduqueral (Tunduqueral Green Village for some), Uspallata, Argentina…. very much disconnected from our other life… another type of pace and peace…. an entirely different dimension of freedom.

And time is passing as it so effortlessly does…

Small things have become rituals: Freshly cut flowers on our table each day. The sound of the kettle whistling to announce the arrival of our tea every morning. Feeding vegetable scraps to the farm animals after lunch, right before dinner. Hand washing our clothes daily and laying them out to dry. hitchWalking 4 miles to town 3 days a week… Kenia and Havana hoping to hitch a ride on the way back each and every time.

What was odd now feels normal, what was uncomfortable suddenly feels right. Scary has turned to pleasant. Indispensable has become not all so necessary…

closets, beds, almond butter, choices… a cell phone, a car…

The smell of a lighted match for the old stove is now amazingly familiar. Seeing horses strolling right outside our window late at night and early in the morning is no longer new. DSCN0085We easily fall asleep with the 9pm light, with absolutely nowhere to be… wake up at the break of dawn. The pounding of the thunder no longer interrupts my dreams, even when wide awake. I look forward to witnessing the sun rising from behind the glowing mountains in the morning and how the stars reliably crowd the sky night after night…DSCN0424

My back has made friends with the hard, creaky floor. We bravely find our way to the bathroom without turning on the lights at 3am. Havana is no longer weary of passing by a chicken or grazing mule. Kenia hugs every horse she sees…. I have stopped obsessing about the tiny (and ooh so noisy) mouse that lives somewhere within our walls…

Stray dogs along the road to town are no longer the enemy. I don’t long for reliable wifi or good coffee, both of which I now can happily do without. Weeks have gone by without a single little girl request for television or a new toy – instead imagination, escaping, hungry pigs and haystacks fill their time…. DSCN0181Simple meals, simple chores, simple ways to entertain ourselves (reading, riding and Rummy 500 to name a few)…with time could possibly our decisions become more simple as well?

kiEvery second of every minute is yoga, every half second of every quarter of a second is meditation, the symbol on the wall greets me in the morning, says goodnight to me every evening… reminding me that things are still unclear, and yet my dreams, dilemmas and needs are becoming faithfully clearer with the passing of time. I am here –all of me – to notice and learn.

I have started to observe life through a magnifying glass… Everything seems to represent a little piece of me. I follow an ant while he crosses the room knowing that each step has a purpose. I listen to the song of a single bird and know that he has something fundamental to say. I feel the air change from calm to uncontrolled and I am absolutely certain that this too will have some effect on many lives, including my own.

I haven’t understood much (the clearest thing at times is the understanding that none of us ever will), but now I am actually beginning to get it… understand that it is in between this place – simplicity and complexity, nothing and everything – that we find much, much more than any of us could ever need. You can’t stop time… you can’t prevent change… but if you look close enough, listen from within and give all of yourself to your life your life will respond.

Journal Entry, February 22, 2016, Finca Tunduqueral, late afternoonDSCN0129

5 weeks. I can still see the miracle of it all… I can still see the beauty in the clearly defective, brush off the unexpected, feel curious instead of disappointed. Of course I can. Newness is all around me.  Love, work, play….life is wonderfully awesome when it is still new.

However, as time passes and one week turns into two, two into three, three somehow becomes ‘already over 5’… things become ritual and dangerously habitual. Things become oddly normal and restrictively right. The indispensable turns into not so necessary and the not so necessary has a way of becoming rigidly indispensable. In my case, endless silence, true blue skies, long walks, craving-less days, effortless time. Over 5 weeks of nothing and everything. With time, this risks to become normal… not so special. For now, I wonder how I will survive my life without it all once back at home.

It is when the fresh paint fades, the shiny shoes get scuffed, the love loses its lust, when time has passed and the trip appears to have come to an end that we need to see, to memorize, to retain…to protect and keep close to mind… be extra careful about getting too used to everything. When time passes, when things become too normal, when our eyes fail to see a loving face, a breathtaking landscape, a kind act, a gifted life, the journey that continues to live on even after the jet lag is long gone … this is the beginning of a phase called Indifference… and with it comes the loss of hope and wonder and gratitude… you gotta be extra careful to still see everything… even in a place that still feels like perfection…

DSCN0390The moment when we no longer experience the amazement of our children in every ordinary instant…the strength in a greying husband or a tired wife…the goodness in a distracted friend…  the spaciousness of the mountains and the blueness of the sky… the simple joy of having arrived safely from x to y… all the miracles of our lives…

DSCN0115we risk most of all…. 

we risk to permanently lose the extraordinary uniqueness of this paradise that asks for NOTHING but our total us.

Less than 10 days to go. Tic Toc Tic 

with love for life, mine and yours,

firma danni

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