SIX WEEKS: LEARNING THAT NOTHING IS EVERYTHING (part seven)
Journal Entry, Uspallata, Argentina: in town at Cafè Encuentros, February 14, 2016
She was perfect. Perfect for us. An adorable puppy: a large black circle around her left eye, a smaller circle around her right, floppy, black and white ears, one small spot of black on her back paw. She wouldn’t be too small or grow to be too big. She even looked like a ‘Tequilla’, the name we had already chosen for a female dog, when and if, one day we would be chosen to be hers.
She came along yesterday morning, midway along the road from Finca Tunduqueral to the town of Uspallata; in front of the pulperia (mini-market) and that row of ‘demolishable looking’ houses – houses that besides for one turquoise painted door (the home of a 2 year old girl and her family of four)- were seemingly too broken down to be inhabited by anyone else except the dozen or more stray dogs that have clearly claimed it as their home.
She followed us all the way to town- 2 miles. She followed us every time we crossed the street; Kenia and Havana taking extra care so that this temporary care package arrived safely to the other side. She followed us to the supermarket, the Town Hall, the bank… she stayed with us at Encuentros Cafè… while I was checking emails, writing in my journal, she remained stretched out across my daughters’ legs the entire time… happy, spontaneous, non judging, no questions asked, no attachments required… giving and receiving pure love as only young children and animals instinctively know how to share.
People came over to greet her: ‘Que chichita’, ‘Que linda’, ‘Que preciosa… Como se llama? Quanto tiempo tiene?’.
My daughters responded. They pretended that she was theirs… for this brief moment it was not a lie.
She was perfect. Perfect for us. We all knew that the only thing not perfect was the time. In less than 3 weeks we would be on a plane once again… heading towards a ‘home’ we still call Italy… as the bedroom and the tree house, for now the dog too would have to wait.
Yesterday morning my daughters pretended that a perfect puppy was theirs.
They fell in love in less than 2 minutes.
They cared for her, caressed her, temporarily attached their dreams to her.
They knew that she could not possibly be permanent. And, so did she.
It didn’t matter. For the moment, it was perfect love.
After 3 hours of being cuddled and cared for, unconditionally loved, she went on her Way…
and, so did we.
Yesterday I said to Andrea: Maybe we could live here!
It was a hypothetical and then again, maybe it wasn’t.
I can already see it: me in my spacious kitchen with its pots, pans, a favorite mug or two on the counter, jars of flour, grains and spices on a wooden shelf opposite the spectacular view right outside a jumbo sized window…. him with his shovels and sweat, horses and maybe a few goats, us in the vegetable garden surrounded by fragrant, fruit trees, going to town by bicycle, stopping to caress a raggedy dog along the way… the girls going to school – a bus picking them up along the dirt road in front of the wooden gate… having their purple and blue room, sleepovers and finally a dog… the dry, freezing winters leaving a thin layer of white fluff on the ground in front of our humble home and generously draping over the mountains with layers and layers of snow… several months in Italy working on the road, a couple in the States to visit Grandma and Poppy, Maw and Paw… 5,6, 7 months here with lots of time for writing, yoga, afternoon ‘siestas’, reading and sipping tea…. perhaps a small B&B and days filled with carefree chatter and curious guests… and most of all, an abundance of clean air, cheery skies and star-blissed nights to fill our souls all year round.
Yesterday I felt it… love for this place… after less than 2 weeks.
Obviously, the picture in my head was picture perfect!
True love is incapable of seeing the flaws.
‘What is so strange‘, I said to him. ‘I fell in love with you in less than 2 days! The girls with that dog this morning in less than 2 minutes!’
As I continued to speak about the house and horses, this paradise and all my plans (wouldn’t I ever learn), he listened with an unsettled expression on his face, an incomprehensible curve forming on his upper lip.
Could he possibly not see all that seemed so perfectly crystal clear? Wasn’t I able to show him the Love?
Why wasn’t he attached to the idea?
UNCERTAINTY, FEAR, DOUBT, RESPONSIBILITY…
whatever it was I wasn’t gonna allow anything to get me down…
steal what what was mine (at least in that moment, I wasn’t).
Lately, our ideas about things always seem to miss one another;
passing each other, completely unnoticed, like old friends on a crowded street;
like planes destined for opposite directions,
greeting each other for only a slight moment while in full flight…
I would wait and see… continue to daydream… not attempting to understand Everything… not caring about what I still couldn’t see, what he may or may not have already seen…
ignoring the fact that, the initial excitement was risking to pass us by like clouds in the wind struck air… risking that a sky full of reality would take its place.
So, I (blindly) declared my love (totally attached).
He (responsibly) declared his distrust (questioning the timing among other things).
Today my attachment is to an idea, a vision. I have done enough ‘work‘ on non attachment (unlike animals and children, for us humans unvelcroing ourselves takes practice) to know that it is the gushy love feeling that I am stuck on -not the house or the mugs or the spectacular view from a jumbo window.
Today his dreams are stuck in the middle of UNCERTAINTY, FEAR, DOUBT, definitely RESPONSIBILITY…too much love…
tomorrow this type of ‘turbulance’ may capture mine (us adults are always full of questions when reality sets in).
Today, I will go on my Way, allow him to go on his.
Sooner or later our ideas are destined to meet. I can feel us changing, transforming… uniting in an extremely challenging and intimate way…
I just know it.
I can feel it as deeply as my unconditional love in this instant.
And when they do, the timing will be as perfect as our dreams…
then, we will both know…
and we will finally find our Way.
For now, Uspallata, Argentina is a hypothetical.
But, then again, maybe it’s not… maybe it is just a question of timing.
With loving faith,
This post is part of a series entitled SIX WEEKS: LEARNING THAT NOTHING IS EVERYTHING.
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